Relapse

134lbs gone, and I have fallen off the wagon.  I teach about the stages of change.  I know that relapse is just a part of any recovery.  I talk to people about how to avoid it, identify triggers for it, cope with it and accept it.  None of the things I tell other people seem to make any sense to me in this moment. I know that if I don't take some serious action now, I will be back at 284lbs.  I will be back to shopping at, what my ex calls "Lane Giant".   The few jeans that still fit will go back into the closet and the stretch pants will emerge.  They have been hiding in the back of the closet waiting for the opportunity to take center stage again.  I wonder why I saved them. I wonder if I knew that someday I would need them again.  It is difficult for people who have never struggled with food/weight/diets to understand how comforting it can be to have them waiting there...hoping that you will never need them.  It feels like an emergency fund.